I had a love affair
My love affair with baseball is one for the books. Actually, I do plan on writing a book one day.
I admittingly have mixed feelings about this game. For a very, very long time I have hated, no loathed the term "baseball wife". It was a title given to me over eight years ago when I was at the beginning of the journey in finding myself. I did not want my greatest accomplishment in life to be who I married. I certainly gave my best RBF to those that referred to me as "Robbie Ross' wife". And I have battled with guilt of "having it all" while quietly knowing what every person with a little bit of money knows: Money does not buy happiness.
I'm curious, what path would you have chosen if life had not driven you to where you are now? I'm convinced that the Universe takes us places beyond our wildest dreams, and luckily if we let go of what we think we need, we will actually find what we've longed for all along.
I am trying to embrace the parts of my life that just are what they are. Baseball has opened doors for both Robbie and I that we never could have dreamed of. Hilariously, my life looks a lot like being split in two. Sometimes I am doing very cool things, wearing expensive gowns, attending events, parties, VIP experiences, you've seen it on my IG. And the other half of the time I am a sweaty mess from hot yoga, spending hours at home being a hermit, sleeping in below average hotels for mission 108 while working in the slums. I created this balance. Because the MLB part of life was not in alignment with who I am at my core. I love pretty things, shopping, and getting to skip the line as much as the next person. But it is just not who I am, what I care to talk about, and does not fullfill me. It does some people. That's fantastic. I wish I could be that easily amused.
But I am not.
Mission 108 gave me an oppurtunity to use my voice for good, be an activist, be the opiniated, robust woman that society either loves or hates.
This year, I have refelcted on opening up to the parts of my life and lifestyle that are not going away. Robbie's injury gave me a new perspective on the game. When his injury was so severe prior to surgery, I just wanted him to be able to walk again. After surgery and seeing his progress, I realized I am in love with this sport. This game, these ballparks, these oppurtunites are once in a lifetime. It is short, and sweet, and another season is not garunteed. This is my love affair. The nostalgia of smelling the fresh cut grass of a big league spring training field brings a smile to my face. Seeing Robbie throw a baseball melts me into a puddle knowing He is one of the very few living a childhood dream in front of thousands of fan across the world.
Wow. I am so grateful. This title, "Baseball wife" is one of the truest of who I am in this stage of life. I am married to the game. Committed to it. I give it my dedication, countless hours at the ballpark, arrange my schedule, life, and commitments around whereever it may take me. Some of my friends are gearing up to leave for ST this week. We are in free agency, and waiting to find a team. I am watching my friends stress out about leaving family and friends AGAIN. And it never gets easier. The off season is so restful (for most, unless you are me and you are crazy), so incrediby fullfilling to be surrounded by people you love, and actually know you'll be in one city longer than a holy second. But the season is where dreams come true. The season is where growth happens. Life comes alive. It is fast paced and exilherating. Now is usually the time where my panic sets in. Where did my off season go? Where was I for all of it? How did I forget to in inhale every moment? Why has it taken me four months to remember to enjoy it, soak it all in? Why does four months fly by, but by mid May I am wondering why this season is so effing long?
But I am rearranging all of those thoughts and remembering that every single day is such a gift. Even the hard ones. And trust me, we have had some really tough days. I know you have too. This love affair that I am tanlged in, is obvioulsy the only one my husband will endorse, but it is also one that has shaped me into the woman I am today. The beginning of my adult years at only 19 years old began at a baseball park in Spokane, Washington where I lead my family to our seats and watched Robbie start and throw shut out innings on opening day. Three years later he pitched in the 7th inning on opening day for the Texas Rangers. I was sitting with my in-laws thinking this has to be a big deal, but wasn't sure just how big of a deal it truly was. Baseball wasn't in my DNA, and I was definietly not a fan. Robbie's dad explained the game to me, and I watched how his mom reacted to certain plays in between worrying about how I was going to fit in with the other wives.
I didn't, by the way.
Six years later, 1 trade, 3 dogs, 12 houses, 18 moves, countelss innings, road trips, flights, memories, tears, laughs, friends, and experinces later I am falling in love with this game again. Or, maybe truly for the first time ever.
I am still the girl that hates small talk, and goes deep in our first conversation. Still the actvist that needs big things to throw herself into other than the game of baseball, still the woman rebelling against the unwritten rules of the family room, still running Mission 108, leading teams across the world to foriegn countries, still captivated by cultures not my own, and will probably never be the girl that shows up in the first inning of a 9 inning anything.
But I am also proud to be a baseball wife. Here is a small part of the last twelve years together, and the love affiar we have for the game of baseball.